Bieber Blog War Threatens to Drive TPG Apart

The face: so innocent.  The voice: also innocent.  Likewise on the hair.  And yet, the Bieber is destroying this band.  Perhaps there is no stopping him.  He’s an adorable, bowling-enjoying disease that is already controlling several of our organs, some of them cognitive.  I know this because some of my esteemed colleagues—I won’t say who—cannot stop posting photos of him relaxing beside semi-urban storage sheds and comparing our heartfelt tunes to his Canadian recycling projects.

Well, I have some news for you Bieberboppers.  The Bieber will not be satisfied until the members of TPG are mollyhocking each other, leaving only his version of “Baby” to lament at an up tempo.

(Interesting side note: the Bieber is from Stratford, Ontario, which is mostly known for being a fake Stratford-on-Avon, with a fake Globe Theatre, fake peasantry driving oxen, etc.  I was once dragged there by my parents and ran into a girl I’d made out with at summer camp, who was there on a school field trip.  This would have been right around the time the Bieber was born.)

Don’t be lured any farther toward the Bieber.  Let this die, like a mouse in a paper boat.  Unless the Bieber re-Tweets this.  Then it is on.